Nothing At All
by anonymous7
Summary: Yet another series of small scenes.
1. Nothing At All

Nothing At All

Summary: Yet another series of small scenes.

  
Timeframe: Throughout the series.

  
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Warner Brothers and Shoot the Moon Productions.  This song is written by Ronan Keating (I think).  No copyright infringement is intended here.  
  
This story, however, is mine. Please don't archive it without my permission.  
  
Rating: G  
  
Note: There are spoilers to several episodes.  In fact, there is no real plot to this story at all that is not stolen from an episode.  (Thus the lack of a summary.)  I'm not sure the links between the song and the story are clear.  I tried to make it sound as much like dialogue as possible, so they may not have come across.  Please let me know if this is the case.

This is intended to be a stand alone story, but I am planning to add another chapter (provided you all like this one, that is) which should help explain this one a little better.  

Feedback: All is welcome.

I guess you want to know how I got here.  I mean, that is what you asked.  It's a long story.  Are you sure you have the time to listen to it?...

Yes, I know it's your job, but, well, it's a strange story.  And to be honest, parts of it are confidential.

Well, okay, if you're sure…

It started several years ago…

_It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart  
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark_

When my alarm went off that morning, I have to admit, I had no desire to get up.  I'm usually a morning person, but I had it on pretty good authority that it might rain that day (my boyfriend was the weatherman on a local news show), and the last thing I felt like doing was getting up to drive anyone to the train station, even the aforementioned boyfriend.  And so, when my alarm went off, I stayed in bed.  I did so for so long in fact, that when I finally did get up I didn't even have time to get dressed, just throw my coat on over my nightgown and run out the door.

Even in my ever willingness to fit into the stereotype of all-American housewife, I didn't really want to leave the house in my nightgown, but what choice did I have?

Of course, I felt guilty as soon as I got to Dean's.  He was happy to see me and said I looked adorable in my nightgown, and besides no one could tell what I had on under my coat anyway.  Dean is very practical that way.  He's a very nice man, and was very good to my boys.

Oh, that's right, I have two sons by the way.  Jamie and Philip.  Philip is the older one and more like his father – he has something of a thirst for adventure.  Jamie is more like me.  He likes to stay home, live a simple, uncomplicated life.

And I live with my mother.  She's great, always willing to lend a hand with the boys and they adore her.  She's a bit wild, but we are very close.

Anyway, Dean was great with Philip and Jamie.  He's such a nice man.  Okay, so maybe he was a bit predictable.  I guess I missed a bit of the spark of excitement that was in my marriage to Joe.  But I felt it was definitely better this way.  I mean Dean would never leave me and the boys to go save the world.  Not that I begrudge Joe for that – it's what was in his heart.  He needed to do it.  But it's been hard on the boys.  And I don't need that much excitement in my life anyway.

And that is why I was completely put out (and startled) when that stranger grabbed me on the train platform.  At first, I thought I was being mugged.    But usually when you're being mugged, they take your purse, not give you a package and push you onto a train.

I wanted to say no, I really did.  But the look in his eyes forbade it.  I really didn't need that sort of excitement in my life.  I should have said no.  But I thought he was a gangster and you never say no to gangsters.  Especially when they're that good looking…

_Try as I may I could never explain  
What I hear when you don't say a thing  
  
_

"There you are, you sly boots. I thought it was agreed, Babycakes - no job until the triplets are in nursery school."  I can't even explain what I was thinking when that incorrigible man stuck his head in the door.  I was dumbfounded, struck speechless.  And trust me, that doesn't happen to me all that often.

Luckily, I regained my voice by the time we were outside.  "What the sam hill do you think you are doing? First, you cannot get rid of me fast enough. Then you barge in and drag me out of an interview for a perfectly good job, you say you are my husband, a lie which I DO not find funny, and where do you think you are taking me?"

You would think it was his reply that caught me off guard, "We're getting married," but it wasn't.  It was the slight pause before he said it, the look in his eyes.  I'm not sure what I saw there, or heard in that split second of silence, but even as I told him he was asking too much, I knew I'd go.

I mean, I know I should have told him no, I liked my simple, uncomplicated life.  I don't need the excitement of being a spy, oops, I mean agent.

_  
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me  
  
_

And then, somehow, there I was, helping him out all the time.  I mean, I guess it was good. I needed a job and it paid well enough.  But, me, a spy?  Come on!  I don't need that sort of excitement in my life.  I should have told him no.  There are a thousand times I should have told him no.  But I never did.  He'd show up, and I'd go.

And then suddenly, I knew I'd never tell him no.  I don't even remember what the case was.  I tried to say no, I was protesting, albeit weakly.  And he very quietly said, "I need you."  I was very surprised, I mean Lee was always trying to get rid of me.  And when I questioned it, he was very clear that it was Mr. Melrose's idea.  But as he explained it away, made it clear that in fact, **he did not need me, Mr. Melrose did, I saw it.  Something in his eyes, some small glimmer of the man Lee Stetson was.  I'd never seen it before.  He'd always looked away too fast or something, and I'd managed to see him the way all women did.  He was suave, sophisticated, way too cute for his own good.  And, of course, like all women did, I had something of a crush on him.  Oh, good heavens, I'd never act on it, but I couldn't help it.**

But that crush died the instant I saw whatever it was I saw at that moment.  Suddenly, I knew that Lee Stetson did need me.  He just didn't know it yet.  But I was sure that Lee Stetson needed a friend, and I was determined to be that friend.  Someone he could lean on, as it was very clear that he wouldn't let himself lean on anyone.

_There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me  
  
_

Well, yes, I suppose that does sound awful selfless.  But it wasn't really.   Well first off, Lee and I had this argument….

Lee asked, "Would you mind telling me why you are so damned determined to stay on this case? I am just curious."

  
And I told him,  "Once I start something I like to finish it. Besides I felt it was my patriotic duty."  
  


"Oh, patriotic duty." Lee replied, sarcastically,  "Why can't you just admit you get a kick out of all this? Why can't you admit that you think this is exciting stuff. I don't understand you."

And at that moment, while I outwardly dodged the question, I knew he was right.  I did need that excitement in my life.  I couldn't believe it.  I had always thought of myself as someone who wanted a quiet life, but as it happened, I liked working in the spy business.

And then there was the other thing…

Lee had asked me to feed his pet fish.  I definitely should have said no to that.  I mean, I wanted him to learn to lean on someone, not take advantage of them.  But anyway, I didn't say no, and so there was this mix-up and these people thought I was Lee and they kidnapped me.  All in all, a pretty rotten experience.

But, you see, Lee committed treason to save me.  Of course, he didn't tell me that.  Francine did.  But once I knew, I couldn't stop.  It was clear that I had made a friend.  Of course, Lee didn't see it that way yet.  He still found me annoying.

But when he held me afterwards, to calm me down I mean, I could see the relief in his eyes, and then when Francine told me he'd committed treason, I realized what I'd seen in his eyes was determination.

Just as much as I was determined to be there for him, he was determined to be there for me.  And granted, his was probably motivated by guilt, but still, that idea that he'd never leave me, he'd always be there to save me…  Well, I couldn't stop.

_The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall  
You say it best.. when you say nothing at all  
  
_

And then I came to rely on him as much as I wanted him to rely on me.  I had this dream, or I think it was a dream.  I can't be sure as I'd eaten Lee's chicken salad sandwich and apparently was acting a little strange.  Anyway, so I had this dream that I could fly.  So I decided to try.  To fly I mean.  Well, in my dream, I decided to fly.

I was in the hospital at the time…What?... Yes, I know it doesn't make any sense, but it was dream.  Dreams don't make sense.

So, I was in the hospital, and somehow got out on the balcony and was walking along the edge, trying to get up the nerve to jump.  I guess even in my dream I was a bit afraid.  But then suddenly Lee was there and I wasn't afraid.  I knew I couldn't fall with him there.  I know this seems like a silly thought, but it's what I thought at the time.  And then I nearly lost my balance.  In my dream, I mean.  And Lee caught me.  I was right.  When he caught me, I knew, he'd never let me fall.

And, yes, I'm aware it was only a dream, but it stuck with me.  It just felt so real.  After that, just feeling his hand on my back always made me feel more secure.  Somehow, I was sure that Lee would never let anything happen to me.  And so it became even easier to accept these silly assignments.

_  
All day long I can hear people talking out loud  
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd (the crowd)_

_Try as they may they can never define  
What's been said between your heart and mine  
  
And then there was Leslie…  She was one of Lee's girlfriends.  He'd had many through the time that I'd known him….  No, none of them really bothered me – having girlfriends was just part of being Lee.  And besides, I just wanted to be friends._

But then we got to be friends, good friends, and Lee's girlfriends disappeared.  We started socializing outside of work and I guess he just didn't have the time anymore or something.  But then one day he came in looking ragged and awful and the Lee I first met was back.

But when I met Leslie, she wasn't at all what I expected.  She was… well, she was normal.  And she seemed nice and intelligent.  Not Lee's type at all.  And suddenly, I was jealous.  I was surprised, I have to say.  Even when I first met Lee and had that silly, school girl crush, I wasn't jealous of his girlfriends.  But when I met Leslie, I was jealous.   Very jealous.  And as a result, I was snippy with Lee and out of sorts.  And I couldn't help feel that Leslie was an awful lot like me.  Why precisely this should bother me, I'm not sure, but it did.

So, when he suddenly seemed to break it off with Leslie and made plans with me, I guess I was more aware of how I felt or something.  I suddenly was aware that I wasn't okay with Lee dating if he was going to date normal women.  I'm not sure I was sure that this meant I wanted him to date me, though.  I just knew that Lee was the best friend I'd had.  I felt like he understood me, maybe better than I understood myself.  And although it was a bit selfish, I didn't really want to share him with someone else that may take up a lot of his time.

_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me  
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me  
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall  
You say it best.. when you say nothing at all  
  
_

And then we were on this case.  We were in the woods, trying to catch some guy setting up a utopian society.  They were chasing us and we were chained together.  We were stuck for the night and were huddling together.  Lee had his arms around me, and I guess I just knew.  I looked at him and just saw it.  His willingness to do anything to keep me safe.  How much he cared for me.

He was leaning on me just as I had wanted him to, but I was leaning on him, too.  It wasn't at all what I had planned, but sometimes life happens when you aren't watching.  Sitting there in the woods, cold and scared, I suddenly knew that I was in love with Lee Stetson.  And I knew that that love was well placed and that while it may never be reciprocated, Lee would never let me down, either.

_  
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me  
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me  
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall  
You say it best.. when you say nothing at all  
  
(You say it best when you say nothing at all  
You say it best when you say nothing at all..)  
  
_

And then it was. Reciprocated, I mean.  Lee was there in my life on a more permanent basis.  And being more open and caring and …  Well, he was just there.  Sometimes not even saying anything, just watching me, and making sure I was safe.

And so, here we are.  I'm not sure if this helps, but it is my story.  Our story.

_  
The smile on your face  
The truth in your eyes  
The touch of your hand  
Let's me know that you need me.. _


	2. If I Could Just See You

Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Warner Brothers and Shoot the Moon Productions.  
This song is written/performed by Vanessa Carlton (I think).  No copyright infringement is intended here.  
  


Note: I know this moves a bit faster than the last chapter, but this is how I envisioned Lee.  
Talking, as he knows he needs to, but not going into unnecessary detail, just sort of running through it.
    
    _Making my way downtown   
    
    Walking fast   
    
    Faces pass and I'm homebound  
    
      
    
    _

Listen, Doc.  I know the man sitting here, talking to you, is hardly the man of most of my story.  
I know that, you know that, is there any reason to belabor the point?  
  


You know what led me here, seen me in this very office, talking about things I don't want to talk about.  I  
don't want to talk about them now, either.  They're not painful anymore, but that's not where my life is.  
  


Yes, I was orphaned at five, and of course I still miss my parents.  Sometimes I'll pass a woman on the  
street wearing my mother's perfume and I'll have trouble not turning around.  I know it won't be her, but  
one whiff of her perfume and I'm five years old again.  
  


And yes, I'm the same cocky agent who fell in love with a woman who turned out to be working for the  
KGB.  Funny thing is, that never hurt the way it should have.  I already had Amanda there, I guess, I  
didn't need Eva.  
  


And I'm also the Scarecrow, young member of the Oz Network, in love with fellow member, Dorothy.  
But I no longer get nauseous when I smell red roses.  I no longer picture Dorothy's prone body covered  
with those flowers.  
  


Instead, I picture Amanda kneeling in the garden tending to her mother's roses, smelling the ones I hand  
her, placing them in a vase.  
  


My life is different now, I have a family, I have a home.  Okay, so my family doesn't know about me yet,  
nor do I live in my home yet.  But that's why we're here, right?  We're working on that.  
  

    
    _Staring blankly ahead   
    
    Just making my way   
    
    Making a way through the crowd  
    
      
    
    _

So it all started with a Pilgrim Peach Puff or something like that.  Someone was out to kill agents, one by  
one.  I had a package, my contact was on a train, and I had no way to reach him.  They were on to me,  
chasing me through the train station, and I was unsure how to get on the train without them noticing.  But  
then I recalled something I had done before – passed off the package to a civilian.  Clearly not the best  
option, but in times like these, it seemed like it may work.  
  


So, I was scanning the faces in front of me when I saw her.  Pretty, unassuming, and well, … arresting.  
Something in her eyes, I guess you could say, caught me and I knew it had to be her.  She was the one  
who could do it.  Fate maybe, some higher being, I don't know, I only know that the instant I saw her I  
knew there was no one else in the train station to give the package to.  
  

    
    _And I need you   
    
    And I miss you   
    
    And now I wonder   
    
      
    
    _
    
    _If I could fall into the sky   
    
    Do you think time would pass me by?   
    
    'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles   
    
    If I could just see you... tonight  
    
      
    
    _

That should have been it.  It should have been simple and I never should have seen her again.  But as I  
was just beginning to learn, nothing with Amanda was simple.  
  


The drop didn't go right.  Thank goodness.  
  


And so I had to find her, and then she just wouldn't quit, she had to show up and save me.  It was  
frustrating, there is no other word for it.  Frustrating and humiliating – a trained agent saved by a  
housewife from Arlington.  
  


But then Billy took an immediate liking to her and started suggesting that I use her on cases.  I protested  
of course, I worked alone, but to no avail.  Amanda King became my partner.  
  


And she was good.  I rarely gave her credit for it, but she was good.  
  


And then I came to rely on her being there -  the way she'd always help out when asked, even when I  
asked her for really ridiculous things.  And the way she'd hold my hand and lean on me when she needed  
the support.  Having Amanda with me in the field became second nature, and somehow spilled over to my  
personal life.  I found myself on dates with other women comparing them to Amanda.  It wasn't  
conscious at first, I was just doing it.  But repeatedly, my dinner companions came up short.  Couldn't tell  
you what they were lacking, but more and more often I found myself calling the evening off after dinner,  
and then ending dinner early, and eventually not going out at all anymore.  
  


And with all this free time I started having dinner with Amanda more often, just to fill up time, or so I  
told myself.  And then I found I enjoyed these dinners, conversations we'd have that were about things  
other than work.  And so I'd invite her to dinner more often, sometimes to a concert or something  
beforehand.
    
    _It's always times like these   
    
    When I think of you   
    
    And I wonder if you ever think of me  
    
      
    
    _

Until suddenly, I was with Amanda so much it wasn't surprising that I missed her when I didn't see her,  
that I'd start driving by Maplewood Drive to make sure she was okay.  
  

    
    _It's always times like these   
    
    When I think of you   
    
    And I wonder if you ever think of me   
    
     _
    
    _'Cause everything's so wrong   
    
    And I don't belong   
    
    Living in your precious memory   
    
      _
    
    _'Cause I need you   
    
    And I miss you   
    
    And now I wonder   
    
      
    
    _
    
    _If I could fall into the sky   
    
    Do you think time would pass me by?   
    
    'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles   
    
    If I could just see you... tonight   
    
      
    
    _
    
    _And__ I… I   
    
    Don't wanna let you know   
    
    I… I   
    
    Drown in your memory   
    
    I… I   
    
    Don't wanna let this go   
    
    I… I   
    
    Don't  
    
      
    
    _
    
    I started thinking about her, sometimes even when she was with me, in ways I never had before.  I guess I  
    
    noticed that she was a woman.  Clearly I had noticed before that, but I guess I'd always seen her as  
    
     "Amanda King.  Annoying partner.  Talks way too much.  Really great friend, though.  Pretty…. But not  
    
    my type."  
    
      
    
    
    
    And so while I began driving by her house more and more often, sometimes stopping to talk, other times  
    
    simply watching her interact with her family, I still didn't want to get involved.  There were all sorts of  
    
    issues.  Agency policy for one.  Her family for another.  And then the simple fact that_ Amanda King was  
    
    not my type.  
    
      
    
    _
    
    So I didn't tell her what I was thinking, didn't want her to know.  I didn't want to lose the friendship that  
    
    we had, so I couldn't complicate it by telling her how I felt and then telling her that I was unwilling to act  
    
    on those feelings.  I was pretty sure she felt the same way, but I'd spent years telling her that nothing  
    
    would ever happen, so I knew it was up to me to admit something had changed.  So I simply wouldn't tell  
    
    her that.  
    
      
    
    
    
    _Making my way downtown   
    
    Walking fast   
    
    Faces pass and I'm homebound   
    
      _
    
    _Staring blankly ahead   
    
    Just making my way   
    
    Making a way through the crowd   
    
      
    
    _
    
    _And I still need you   
    
    And I still miss you   
    
    And now I wonder   
    
      
    
    _
    
    _If I could fall into the sky   
    
    Do you think time would pass us by?   
    
    'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles   
    
    If I could just see you...   
    
      _
    
    _oh__ oh   
    
      _
    
    _If I could fall into the sky   
    
    Do you think time would pass me by?   
    
    'Cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles   
    
    If I could just see you   
    
    If I could just hold you   
    
    Tonight   
    
      
    
    _
    
    Until, I guess, that wasn't enough anymore.  I didn't just drop by her house to see her, but sometimes to  
    
    hold her.  Hey, she was my partner, my friend, and there are times, especially in this business, when you  
    
    need something more substantial to be sure that your coworkers are there, some sort of physical contact.   
    
      
    
    
    
    Things just happened from there, I guess.  I don't remember waking up one morning and being in love  
    
    with Amanda, so much as I remember that I used to think that she wasn't my type and then somehow I  
    
    stopped thinking that.  I'd try to remind myself of Agency policy and instead I'd see Amanda's eyes  
    
    peering into mine, her smile.  I'd think of her family and I'd recall holding her out in the woods, being  
    
    hunted like deer.
    
    So, I kissed her.  At the time, I was sure it was the stupidest thing I had ever done, but now I know that I  
    
    couldn't have been more wrong.  The past year and a half have been the best of my life.  I hope the next  
    
    year and a half are even better.
    
    The agent in front of me stopped speaking, looking at me hopefully.  His eyes were clearer than I'd ever  
    
    seen him and he didn't look even the smallest bit afraid, despite the fact that I held his future, and that of  
    
    his family, in my hands.  I realized that for the most part, Lee Stetson didn't care what I said.  He had  
    
    made up his mind.  If it was Amanda King and her family or the Agency, Mrs. King, er … Stetson, won,  
    
    hands down.
    
    I smiled as I made my way to the door and stepped aside as Amanda made her way over to her husband  
    
    and sat down.  I saw the look between them, the gentle smile on both their faces, and I knew what my  
    
    decision had to be.  It was out of my hands now.
    
    "Mr. and Mrs. Stetson," I smiled, "It is my belief, as Agency doctor, that you are both of sound mind and  
    
     body and clearly capable of being both partner and spouse.  Your record over the past year and a half  
    
    demonstrate that, and I'd be surprised if anyone argued that fact.   While what you tell your family is no business of mine, you have demonstrated the ability to put our  
    
    nation's security above that of your family, so I am sure you will make the right decision.
    
    You are hearby cleared for active duty as partners."  The Stetsons smiled at each other, their hands  
    
    tightening around each other.
    
    In a softer tone, I continued, "May I suggest you go home and talk to your family."
    
    I watched the couple leave my office, and when I went to go home myself a few moments later, I wasn't  
    
    the least bit surprised to see Lee Stetson and Amanda King, er … Stetson, wrapped in each other's arms  
    
    in the parking lot.


End file.
